saint christopher and saint lawrence

two patron saints i carry on a chain around my neck
both i got from ex-girlfriends
[chicks i went steady with - 1 good & 1 coo-coo coo-coo]

st christopher was martyred 251 ad

a sturdy man (perhaps even husky)
while roaming the world just for shits and giggles
came apon a hermit who lived beside a dangerous river
the hermits job was to guide travellers to safe crossing places
st christopher stayed with the hermit and eventually took

his place but instead of guiding travellers

he actually carried them safely across the river

one day st christopher had occassion to carry a small child

caught off guard mr man was almost brought to his knees

it took every ounce of will and faith to get them to the other side

and at the other side the child confided that he was christ

and the great weight was the burden of all sins

christ baptized him right there - cool

st lawrence was martyred 258 ad

he was arch-deacon, distributor of alms

and keeper of the treasures of the church

[sounds like a job bern would love

...but then again he was martyred - nevermind]

so anyhoo the pope and all the deacons were beheaded

(and thats not a promotion)

making st lawrence mack daddy

however the pope told him that him that they were

coming for him next

so for 4 days he distributed the treasures of the church

to the poor and needy - cool too

heres the thing about poor st lawrence

they cooked him to death on a gridiron - whoa

among their many patronages

st christopher is the patron of roamers and travellers

and also watches over bachelors

st lawrence is the patron of those less fortunate

and also watches over cooks (wince) and comedians

[for you naysayers]

fact or fabrication

it matters not

what matters is that i believe

and this belief guides me thru the forrest

bern shares

bv