i have a pet ...finally










back in the stone age when
i dragged (drugged?) my wife around by her hair














we tried 2 dogs and 1 cat (not simultaneously)
both dogs went back to the pound (my job - wince)
but the cat took

since then
ive only been a step-pet-owner of cats and dogs

cats i dont like - actually
im rather scared of the little fuckers
when i was 20ish a snarly ass feline
put every tooth and claw into my hand
because i had the audacity to pet it

dogs are ok
i quite like them
except for the walking thing
when i get home from work
i expect my wife to hand me
a manhattan not a leash

our first dog was sasha
...a big black lazy afghan
more akin to a throw
[it sure as hell wasnt my idea]
i was working nights
she was working days
we had a less than 1 year old screamer (ww ash)
a bold and demanding (ww vaness) kid in grade 2
we were living in a fixer-upper rowhouse
all the while trying to maintain party central
(pastry wrapped sausages and bag-in-a-box wine)












so, when i got home from work
rather than walk-the-dog id fix-a-manhattan
tack on to that, the fact that it was winter...cold
so i would just open the back door
and let "it" "go" out in the backyard
keep in mind our townhouse "backyard"
is only a postage stamp

holy man!!!
when the snow finally thawed
there was "preserved" dog shit everywhere
and i mean everywhere

we briefly had another pooch
[not my idea ...again]
this one chewed up our linoleum kitchen floor
while we were at swiss chalet ...see ya

like i said the only pet that took was
"marble" our cat
she came first and watched the interlopers come and go

marble is the only cat ive ever trusted













huh ...i gotta say those were some times back then
husband bern wife ey kid vaness kid ash (dogs excluded)







a moment to ponder ...sigh

like i said papas gotta brand new pet
my mom would be so proud
its a spider
it lives between my kitchen windows
(jsyk ...i dont like spiders and snakes)
when i cook i slide open the inside window
and watch "vincent" creep back into the corner
before i roll out the outside window
ive been here for over a year
vincent has been here for over a year














my mom would be very proud that i have decided
to cohabit and not kill this
...this itsy bitsy spider

anyhoo

everytime i open the window
vincent gets out of my way
so it never crosses my mind to ...you know ...protect myself
and more importantly
in our year together - vincent is still a manageable size

so there you have it

im okay with "a" spider "and" dust
albeit im just as wacky as howard hughes

bern shares
bv)