the gist of this

i got from my sister-in-law dodo ...the email queen
God bless her soul
[she's right up there with my mom]

anyhoo

"hollywood squares" was a great tv game show
when the responses were spontaneous and clever
not scripted and often dull as they are now

peter marshall was the host
he asks the questions
and here are some classic answers from the show's regulars

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.















[he is samantha's uncle in bewitched...huh huh huh]

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


















his real name is cliff arquette
his big kick at the can is hollywood squares
good for him
beats my best kick by 20 yards


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.











he was posed that "if it werent for electricity
we'd be watching tv by candlelight"

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


















whhhh whhhh whhhh whh, whh whh whh whh whh

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
think he's attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.












"sally" and buddy along with dick vandyke
are staff writers on the alan brady show

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


















this is not charley
its arte johnson ...from laugh-in
and they are both lechers
[it takes one to know one mr man]

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say
"I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.















if you cant scare em on the big screen
assault thier sensibilities on the small screen
giddy-up vinnie

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


















Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to get any during the first year?
A. Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.












Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo!
Poo!" what does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet

















thats jackie gleason
if you need explanation
im giving you a free trip to the moon

bern share
bv)