like i mentioned

i have my fathers slow ass metabolism
not his 6 foot frame to carry
i'm short and stout [dont ask me to drink tea]
and thats a pisser
but thankfully, i dont have his short ass temper
nor his "me me me" or "mine mine mine"
and thats cool
[good for me - takes oomph to beat the gene pool]

as i ease past mid-life into ...uhhhg
just plain fuckin older
i look at mirror-me and think i'm good
i'm still young baby
GIVE or take a few face pounds
then i look down and gaze at my hands

i have my father's hands
[i doubt he has ever noticed likewise]
dont get me wrong - i like my hands
as wrinkled as they are
[i try to moisturize as much as i can]
they tell my story
where i've been
where i'm likely to go

the thing is
"in my father's eyes" [eric clapton]
i will never be the man he thinks he wants me to be
as "he" "carried the world on his shoulders"
and "i" just "took the path of least resistance"
insert sarcastic tone
(this fuck never took the time to know his sons)
{did i say fuck - i meant SOB :) }

as i no longer have the urge or impetus
to slam dunk this notion on an old man
i mantra ...bless his heart
(and only because God is listening
and my mother, my mom is still alive)
my father would sooner hug a stranger
than tip his hat to a son [i am one of 3]

as i [thankfully] have my mom's sensitivity
i can appreciate that his childhood sucked
[SO DID MINE - YA F**K]
sorry, anyhoo

.
.
.
.
.
jeez...


ya know what
there is way too much bottled up in here
to make sense of in one post ...LORDY

for now, i'll say this
bringing home the bacon does not a father make
sure life is hard
lessons need be taught
but strength comes from love
and endurance from faith

my kid knows i love her and have faith in her
[no pressure ash, i'm just making a point - ttt]
come what may [and may happens] - i love you

sure life can be hard
BUT IT CAN BE GREAT TOO
we just have to DO OUR BEST

give peeps the benefit of the doubt
listen to the wind
watch people smile
and dont be so hard on ourselves

thats enough yammering for now
MUAH to you cats

bern shares
bv)