none are so blind who will not see












my mother (bless her heart) used to say that to me

"mom, where are my jeans?"
'theyre right there in your room'
"no theyre not, i just looked"
'theyre on your chair underneath your t-shirt'
"oh right, thanks mom"

my mom is clairvoyant
[of course i could be a stundoid ...anyhoo]

the other day i searched for an entire hour
for my keys
i got in last night and hadnt left my domicile since
so the fuckers had to be somewhere
my appartment is all of 425 square measely feet
i searched to the extent that i cut open the bottom
of my couch thinking they'd slipped down the crack
[obviously to no avail]
next time you lose your keys
make the last place you look be the first
check your kitchen utensil drawer
underneath the tongs and spatula ...DUH
[try living this every god-sent day ...wince :) shrug]

which reminds me [...and only me i'm sure]
of a rather blue joke that concludes with the punchline:
"...forget your penlight!
help me find my car keys - we can drive out here!"



















i flasked "the big lebowski" tonight
at my local indy movie house (it has a balcony)
that particular cohen bros installment is a decade old
yet still the room was a third full, the peeps clapped at the end
and a couple guys attended wearing
bathrobes drinking "caucasions"
13 bucks gets me admission, popccorn
and a large (rye and) diet coke
bern says gitty-up jackie

did i ever tell you...
when i was younger than my ash
i got picked up by the 'opp'
whilst i was crossing a "qew" overpass in my bathrobe


















earlier today i was visiting "chen"
my doctor of chinese medicine
[...what? ...dont you have one?]
















between the voodoo needles and pile-driving elbows
i cant say its enjoyable in a non S&M situation













you should friggin see my back
HOLY MAN
it looks like i got attacked by that
salt craving vampire that posed as a beauty chick on star-trek















so... theres chen really going at that knot in my back...
[jesus mary and joseph it hurts like an SOB]
chen starts to say
"tell me if that is too much plessure,
you have lots of...
[and then pauses] [[so i, in my head,
finish his sentence with "tension in my back"]]
...meat, you have lots of meat"
besides being a helluva masogynist (norm crosbyism)
my chen is quite the diplomat
so ...yer thinking - if it hurts so much and he calls me "meaty"
why do i keep going back?

when the time is right im gonna ask
mrs chen dr of chinese medicine to walk on my back
in her dr of chinese medicine stilettos
...hello




















my kid (bless her heart too) turned 24
not corners
not other cheeks
not states evidence
20-freakin-4 years old bubba



















lordy lordy look who's far from forty ...me
my younger bro razzes me for using lotions
[on my face ...ya pervs]
i use 'oil of olay' and when i look in the mirror
and ask "how old do you think i am?"
mirror-bern retorts "yer fucking 48
and if you didnt drink so much you'd remember that!!"



















word to the wise
regarding the adage
"a moment on the lips, forever on the hips"
from God's lips to your hips
thats a factoid
factor in my fathers slow ass metabolistic genes
and that leaves bern cursing
the proposition i accepted in the summer of '03
..."if you eat that entire family platter of pancakes
we'll buy your month-of-sundaes"

oh well

i'm a libra
i balance gym time with quality of life

props to my peeps

[i say that to be cool
...i really dont know what it means, :) smirk]












bv)