i wash my clothes in the basement
and hang them to dry in the backyard

if you were to peek over the hedge
you'd see my laundered clothes hanging
on the line
still damp
still in need of more sun love

as much as my clothes are not dry
i am not ready to take them off the line
more to the point
i am not ready to wear them

i can watch my clothes from my window
and imagine i am wearing them

someday soon

bern shares
bv)

on thursday i decided i need a hair cut
and when its time - its time
i can be rather obsessive compulsive at times

holy shit
i just looked up OC in the dictionary
there was all but a picture of me

obsessive compulsive
adjective
of or pertaining to a personality style characterized
by perfectionism, indecision, conscientiousness,
concern with detail, rigidity
and inhibition


whoa
1 - anyone who has worked with or for me knows
i maintain high standards and attention to detail
2 - one of my minor goals is NOT having everything just so
3 - when i get home i cant decide what to eat
or what to watch on tv
4 - when i get really smashed i might take off my clothes
5 - as for the rigidity thing - i'd rather not dicuss it
as my ash reads my blog [sorry honey - couldnt resist]

so you do the math ...OC? ...absolutely

i like my ducks in a row














oh well - everybody's gotta be something

anyhoo
so thursday i decide im gonna get my haircut on friday

here's my stance on haircuts
its one or the other
A - old fashioned barber complete with barber chair,
tacky pictures of engelbert, straight razer
and talc brush finish
B - a chick with big tits
sometimes i'm A sometimes i'm B

on friday i decided to go A - a barber i frequented
in a neighbourhood i lived in about 3 years ago
when i get there i see he's gone - a vietnamese
salon is there instead
i do have to work shortly but cant resist the sign that
reads mens cuts 7 bucks
so i say to mice elf - elf, how bad could it be
alls i want is a semi-brush cut

the guy that runs the place speaks english
he motions me to an open chair and tells my girl to do me
(or at least i assume he does
as they are speaking "what-the-fuck-are-you-saying")

heres the thing

she has this look on her face
a look that breaks the language barrier
"you want me - to cut - his hair - i i i just started today"
so i tell her (bless her heart, the poor thing)
i just wanna #1 buzz on the side and back
blend into a #3 buzz on top
[bobs yer uncle im outee in 10 minutes]
giving me the "what-the-hell-are-you-saying" smile
she lifts a small tuft of hair with a comb
and snips off an 16th of an inch from one or two hairs
10 hairs later
i know shes not just warming up
so i re-suggest (in my most deffereverent barber vernacular)
she should avail herself of a more alacritous appliance
with up and down motions
of my bill clintonesque thumb and forefinger
i make the sound ZZZZ ZZZZ
the light goes on and she smiles

however when she uses the ZZZZ ZZZZ
she's still slow as molasses in january
and as hesitant as a teenage boy pinning the corsage
on the gown of his prom date

like i said bless her heart
all told i was in the chair for 40 minutes
and i tell her it looks fine
i really mean im late for work and plan to fix it myself

so that brings me to today
"...and i plan to fix it"
before meeting kb & mp at our local
i take my sidebern trimmer and give myself a trim
[hand smacks] thats done - lets go for a cider

after an hours worth of friendly banter
mp tells me i missed spot
nbw i think - ill just take of that when i get home
a double ceasar and 2 heinekens later im at home
in front of my mirror

unfortunately i forgot the setting at which i had
previously set my clippers and didnt notice until
the sink was full of too much hair

sooooo....i had to reshave to get rid of the
landing strip i carved into my head

and now i'm practically bald
i doubt my mom will even recognize me



















she likes my hair longer


















bern shares
bv)

ps jsyk - i made up the word deffereverent

to all you "___", would it kill you to "___"

smackers...close your mouth when you chew yer cud
shufflers...pick up yer damn feet
sidewalk standers...get the hell outta the way

for you peeps that are unable to rise to the challenge
bern shares has instituted reverse motivation
those failing to make the grade shall receive

the ...dun dun dundun
uncoveted "class clown"












so...you can honk on bobo

in advance to those of you who talk with your mouth full
i suggest you arrange a "signer" for your acceptance speech

this is the "pg" pic


















this is the "not" "pg" pic


















and this will not be coming to a theatre near you
but will no doubt be upgraded to a "new category"

bern shares
bv)

the super (at long last) changed the posted license
in the elevator
from the "chesterfield and stuffed articles license"
as provided by leon's








to a proper
"ontario elevating device license"
as provided by the TSSA













i can now start using the elevator
for that matter i can stop sleeping in the laundry room
and finally get up to my apartment to unpack
living in the laundry room wasnt exactly comfortable
but it sure made wearing the same clothes everyday
a little more convenient















bern shares
bv)

today i watched a horror movie by mice elf
key word being "today" as in daylight
"1408" with john cusack
when i feel the need to cover one eye
...it's a scary movie
i felt the need and this was a scary one


















granted ive been watching a lot of movies of late
but not to worry im getting in just enough cardio
to maintain my robust husky physique

anyhoo

after a scary movie i like to watch a nice
romantic comedy
however after searching the internet (shhh)
i was relagated to an animated feature film

"meet the robinsons"













I LOVED IT
anyone who knows me knows im a sucker for this shit
its pat
its predictable
its pablum
its perfect

so im officially outing myself
and now that im out
im gonna watch more
IM A SAP AND IM PROUD

here are a few other honorable mentions that have
'mist'ified me

"the incredibles "











"ilsa - shewolf of the SS"













sorry ...how'd that get in there (wince - shrug)

and "finding nemo"













bern shares
bv)

you know you're old when...

you dont recognize the special guest on SNL

bern shares

bv)

i've been watching channel 48 TCM all day

(they run classic movies - as in 50 to 75 years classic - cool)

clark gable

cary grant

kate hepburn

humphrey gocart

spencer tracy

jimmy st-st-stewart

and...

now i have a new silver screen fixation

joan crawford

ssssommmmebodyyy stop me !!

bern shares

bv)

ok here's a thing

have you ever felt like an alien?
not the illegal variety
more like
...ell-i-ot ...phone home
i am convinced i am not of this planet

my mom musta hadda extraterrestrial milkman fling

sometimes i go out into the world
and all i hear
is what charlie brown hears
waah wah waah, wah wah waaah
im 47 - ive seen and heard them all before
nigh on 30 years of restaurant biz
has left me
somewhere between jaded and enlightened
meaning - as much as look into the aquarium
i am one of the fish on which i make comment

and thats cool
im not passing judgement
im just saying that a small percentage of US
serve a different purpose
not better
not nobler
not more caring
not wiser
not braver
not more altruistic
not more babe magnetic

we are what we are
without definion
we allow peeps to gravitate toward us
for there own benefit
to find asylum
no badges
we dont need no stinkin badges

i do believe i have a "lot"
i dont like it - nor does anyone with a hard row to hoe

every intersection ive had occasion to pass thru
i believe - i did the right thing
give or take
barring the time i broke off with nancy
cuz she called me chicken cuz i wouldnt go on that
big ass ferris wheel in niagara falls
[ash - look away]
(we had a heart-shaped tub and everything)

i try to give without expectation
thats just something i do
over and above that i still feel like an alien

to the cats that get me
MUAH

bern shares
bv)

ps there is someone like me
she can see the moon - ttt - i love you