my buddy jiff and yours truly
went camping last weekend
im still tweaking that post
...and thats not code for anything ya pervs!!















but we sure had good times, good times


















im not one to kiss and tell
but you know how it is with us guys about town

ok
ok
i tried

bern shares
bv)

here's a thing

top 10 reasons it sucks to be a single

[im too drunk to put them in order]

1 - im listening to classical music and there
isnt a lovely around to appreciate
my sensitivity
2 - im cooking in the kitchen and there isnt
a my woman in the easy chair to tell me
something is good on the tv
3 - im watching the trees sway and listening to the
wind caress the leaves
4 - im watching a full moon spirit its way thru
an overcast eve to light my way home
5 - i got an itch i cant reach
6 - with whom do i share my minuitia
7 - who do i tell your ass looks great in those jeans
8 - watching horror movies with only my pillow
9 - i miss being my fair maiden's hero
10- i need a hug (wince)(shrug)

its all good
im just saying

bern shares
bv)

i saw him again


















(sorry, obscure reference - change him to her)

sitting on a bench outside an office building
at aproximately 10:50 am

of late ive been trying to rekindle
my love-hate relationship
with "exercise"

nee "participaction" [i got bronze
...not bad for a guy that runs like a pregnant camel]
todays vernacular coins it as "cardio"

regardless...
whats in a name?
that which we call exercise
by any other name would smell as sweat
romeo romeo thou doffst douse more perfume

i digressith

the plan is:
go to the gym (and covetly stare at chicks)
and when i work lunch
rather than take the rocket
...walk [you lazy phoque] (thats french for seal)
takes me about 45 minutes as opposed to 20
nbw La-Z-Boy

which brings me back to him
right where i duck into the underground path
i see him - sitting on his bench
our eyes meet
we are both red faced sweaty and overweight
except one of us is smoking a cigar
and the other just walked 4 kilometres

good for me
pat pat
anyhoo

i usually sit in the foodcourt for 5 or 10 minutes
to chill and lose my sweat
but some doughhead put on the heat
so i go stand outside

having no choice but to hear the drone of countless car horns
i was reminded of the weekend well spent on lake huron
"those arent cars!! those are waves crashing on the beach!!"

on the eve of our second fire (sans marshmallows)
i opined to my good friend jiff
rural - im with oliver douglas ..."the chores"












urban - im with lisa douglas GRRRRROWLLL ..."the stores"


















suburban - im ...not so much


















unless of course im rob petrie
sleeping [WW] in the twin bed beside laura petrie GRRRRROWLLL

the cool thing about elucidating ones innermost
thoughts to ones good buddy whilst sitting
by a crackling fire in Gods country






















...is that it doesnt have to mean shit cuz ones audience
is either off taking a piss or chopping wood

bern shares
bv)

jobs bern would love

lara croft's assistant personal groomist


















of course, one day i could only hope
to be her actual personal groomist
being in charge of brushing dandruff
off her shoulders or any jutting surface














in the meantime as assistant
i would in charge of the two dangly bits
that ever so gingerly dance with her bosom


















life could be worse
as A.P.G. its my job to stand in front her
and stare down at "her strands"
to make sure they are even

hey - somebody's gotta do it

bern shares
bv)

ps heaven forbid you should think im highbrow eh

i was on tv tonight

and not like sitting on my tv
[or wearing a lampshade when im feeling conspicuously sociable]


















...city tv


















i was walking along queen st this aft
as i had gotten voluntarily cut from the dinner shift
[its ok - my job is a hobby ...gulp]


















another time i got myself cut and was walking along queen st
i followed robin williams into a skater store
[im especially fond of the clothes that skaters wear]
and stood beside him
when he finally looked at me i blushed and ran away

anyhoo

i had just passed john st when a guy with a "mike 'n camera"
stops me and says its international "talk-like-a-pirate" day
...he asks me to talk like a pirate

more than happy to oblige
i say i can even incorporate that into a joke

"how much do pirates pay for their earrings?
......aaarrrrr, a buccaneer!!"






















jubilantly, he says thanks for making his day
(cool - i love doing that)

it aired about 6:20
ive been expecting my phone to start ringing off the hook
but so far - not so much
maybe after the 11 oclock news
unless the bastards edit me out
(you know how it is)

like i was saying about the minutia of life

this is the shit that i love
did i ever tell you i once tied someone
10 times in-a-row with paper-scissors-rock

bern shares
bv)

hi


how've you been
i'm status quo

lifes not bad
lifes not good
life is

my next step is in the lurch
ahhhhhhh



















not that lurch
verb not proper noun

im at a crossroads
but its ok cuz its nice here
trees and tall grass surround me
and although my path is unsure
the wind sings otherwise

perhaps my load is not as heavy as i think
as its only just the trappings of a happy man
which way do i go?
my left
your right
God's plan
who's to say

there are certain altruisms (gulp) that i cling to
[call me crazy]
life is fair
i am noble (as opposed to "ignoble" - ttt ash)
and god can hear me

i don't know which way to go
but i know i will continue
to let my heart wear the pants in this family

the essence of life is contained in minutia
phone call from a friend
garlic mashed potatos
text from my kid
moment with my mom

ok so im not doing cartwheels
but im good with where im at

bern shares
bv)

my kid had her 23rd bday today
i have a kid thats 23 - whoa

hbd ash!!

my kid just got a job today
in the field she studied for at college

way to go ash!!

bern shares
bv)