a man is dining in a fancy restaurant
and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
he has been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her.


















suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes
flying out of its socket towards the man.
he reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air
and hands it back. "oh my, i am so sorry" the woman says
as she pops her eye back in place
"let me buy your dinner to make it up to you"

















they enjoy a wonderful dinner together
and afterwards the theater followed by drinks
they talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams
and he shares his. she listens
after paying for everything, she asks him
if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap
...and stay for breakfast














the next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal
with all the trimmings. the guy is amazed!!
everything had been SO incredible!!!! "you know,"
he said, "you are the perfect woman.
are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"no," she replies........."














"you just happened to catch my eye"

from my ash to you
ww my peach
(like you werent gettin props ...xoxo)

bern shares
bv)

nyctophobia

yep, it is still one of my banes
i developed it when i was a kid


















even to this very day it strickens me
especially when im anxious and out of sorts
[and ...sometimes when im riding out the dt's
but thats a medical thing]

besides a plethra of physical manifestations
nyctophobia produces symptoms beyond normal instinctive parameters
that means shitting your pants for no reason
(sorry, i shouldnt be so self-deficating)

sufferers rationally understand that the darkness poses no real threat
yeah sure - easy for you to say mr wikipedia


















so in lieu of an all too bright hall light
im going with a practical night-light
that way if i need to get up in the middle of the night
i can find my way to the bathroom without slipping and falling
and hurting myself
(you gotta problem with this mr man?)

there you have it...
and jsyk
i bait my own hooks
but i cant stand getting needles
i love to be held
but not in a closet

for your "segway" word (ww kb & mp)
i leave you a phobia i am NOT stricken with
autobiophicaphobia

i give you my word
bern shares
bv)

hullabaloo

a clamorous noise or disturbance; uproar; tumult

originated in 1762 as a rhyming duplification of hollo
a shout to attract attention
(this all smacks of someone i know)

hollo was later americanized as hello
its use as a greeting coincides with the advent of the telephone


















in fact in the late 1800's
telephone exchange operators were know as hello-girls

i give you my word
bern shares
bv)

i can hear my sister (the geographically displaced one)
saying loud and clear
"thats crap - what about me"
"i may not be there but i am there"

and this may only be my guilty conscience i am hearing
but you never know
the ladies sure do have their voodoo stuff

my (our) sister is part of the 'wing beer and hockey' ritual
just as much as my bros and me
she unfortunately lives in al-friggin-berta
so the commute rarely 'lines up' with a leaf hockey game

M is my moms only daughter
[later when M was is her teens we were oft to hear mom say
"thats enough!!"
surely she meant she couldnt possibly take
the joy of any more daughters - i digress]

M is three years younger than my little brother
but somehow the math doesnt figger
cuz hes 43 and shes 37
(i reckon its more of that voodoo stuff)
[M thinks i digress too]

shortly after M was born we became peas and carrots


















we have managed to maintain our kindredship
despite being separated by miles and miles for years and years

what my sister is to me
by bern

a soft blanket over my legs
a bandaid inside my head
a feeling of deja vu
and all together too far away

bern shares
bv)

did i mention my cool new lava lamp

us brothers went out last night
(our sister is geographically absent - say tune bummer)

for wings and beer and hockey
we do that once in a while
and not nearly enough
but you know how guys are

we are now between 43 and almost nifty nifty guess whos 50


















i am a lucky man
to have two real stand-up guys for brothers
F and P would just as soon stand in harms way as they they would
wrap me in their arms

i love my brothers

bern shares
bv)

i done got myself a lava lamp









cool eh

some days it seems ive no choice
but to wade thru a quagmire of bullshit
all those who cross my path seem
pretentious impolite unyielding unsocialized overbearing
and all too frickin loud
(ooooooh i hate the loud)
on a day such as this even uncouth and ignorant
can char my brisket

i feel the need to rise above it all and shout

would - you - all - just - "shut the f--k up!"
(oops ...sorry that shouldve been an inside voice)
i meant to say

we are in this together
cant we just get along

alas
until i buy some kevlar
so that i can act on my urban fantasy
of taking that mofo down
i remain at ease

unlike those miscreants
i will not stoop to that level
and fully expect one of my fellow "yea"sayers
to cross my path so we can exchange the...

dun dun dun-dun
secret greeting

a smile
just a dang smile

jsyk
anybody that knows me
knows this about me

when im stuck with a day
thats gray and lonely
i just stick out my chin
and grin
and say
oh
the sunll come out tomorrow
so yo gotta hang on til tomorrow
come what may
tomorrow
tomorrow
i love ya
tomorrow
youre always a day away

life can suck
but it doesnt have to

bern shares
bv)

professional hockey players seek the cup
religious zealots seek the grail
"a" type personalities need 5 and 10 year plans
tv personalities need good ratings


















me

i seek peace of mind
and need peace and quiet
to enjoy it

shhh

bern shares
bv)

those dang leafs

before the season started i promised myself
(not unlike the last 30 or so years)
that this year i would not get sucked in to leafmania













never have i jumped off the bandwagon
but nor do i paint my face blue and white on saturday nights
and i will never be one of those self-righteous naysayers
i am your typical leaf fan
sufficiently enthusiastic (after a few beers)
and still waiting patiently

first game we lose to ottawa 4 - 1 oh well
second game we kick ottawas ass 6 - 0 hah! retribution
(ooooooh ...i hate that alfredsson)














sure enough
ta dah
im planning where im gonna watch tonights
game against the habs

sokay
hell might freeze over this year
and if it does i wanna be around to skate on the ice

GO LEAFS GO

bern shares
bv)

those who
hear not
the music


















think
the dancers
mad

bern shares
bv)