my computer is back after 3+ days
my dishes are done

bern shares
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grown ups go first

ive spent my entire life complying with that rule
and it comes as some consolation that at the age of 47

sometimes i get to go first

new category:
things bern can do - now that he's older

["er" - is for my moms benefit as she's in her 70's
...ahh ...i mean ...in her golden girl phase
last year when my big bro turned 50
i mentioned to my mom that i felt thunderstruck
she quickly retorted - how do you think i feel
my kid is 50!!
well she got me there - as my ash is only into her 20's]

anyhoo back to my new category:

bern gets the front seat of motorized vehicles

unless of course:
any of the following people are sharing my ride
my mom
bea arthur
betty white
rue mcclanahan
estelle getty


















or any woman i have designs on

i also have veto power:
should some young upstart call shotgun

and there are times when i want the backseat:
like when "designing women" are sharing my ride
...annie potts (grrrrowl)



[i'll be eccentric ionia's oddball duckie anyday]

so there you have it
bern shares
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i know of a place in my green city
its a small place
not oft enjoyed by those on the main coarse

seven trees
sly savvy squirrels
many many "pig"eons
thanks too the lady with the ever full bag of stale bread
two parkette benches
bust of a poet mounted on stone
and a landscaped mound of dirt
which in my minds eye is already
a glorious flower bed of colour ...galore

im not oft there
but when i am
im alone
...again
...naturally

a break from the bustle
be still my weary heart
breathe bern - breathe
innnnnnn
ouuuuuut
innnnnnn
ouuuuuut

apon my exit
i always look back
and make a mental movie
scored by acker bilk's stranger on the shore

bern shares
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land sakes alive !!

the tree outside my window is budding













WAHOO

you know what that means - ww nudge nudge

bern shares
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jobs bern would love














cigarette roller / boob watcher

in my wildest dreams i would be
the ham between marilyn and lauren

bern shares
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ps did i mention spring is soon apon us







pps ;) smirk

i was thinking about the first time i heard
my kid swear












she advanced straight to swearing-401
the f-word
and this is a bone of contention between us
as she still maintains to this day it never happened

as i recall it was the winter of '91
i was still driving my "pony"
and at that point i had been split up with the ex
for about a year and a half
making my most eloquent little petunia a scant 6 years old
(ttt ash)
i was living in T.O. (the first time - im currently on my second tour)
and had to pick up my ash
(for our every 2nd wkend)
then go to my parents for a gathering of the von flock
on the highway en route to ashville
a semi (truck! - ya pervs)
up ahead of me kicked up a piece of ice (i reckon)
and sent it hurtling toward my "my little pony"












i didnt see it - but when it hit my car
the noise was thunderous and scared
the livin-b'jesus-outta-me
i pulled over as soon as i could
to calm my nerves and survey the damage
well - there was a hole the size of ma heed in the front grill
oh well ...shit happens and off i went
sure enough at the prospect of shortly seeing ma wee petunia
i completely forgot about this semi-mishap
as usual i picked up ash and as it was dark she did not see the
gaping hole in the front of my car
we continued on our way to parentsville
with our usual pleasant banter
back then i was still the maraboro man


















so we stopped for some smokes and confectionaries
as we were walking toward the shop for some reason
ash turned and looked back at our little pony
upon seeing the front grill and its gaping hole
she uttered

holy fuck

[pre ps - i have lost control of font and bold - run for your lives]
we locked eyes
and before i could even consider snickering under my breath
ash went into full defense mode

hunker cry deny

nothing i could say would ring louder than
what was already ringing in ash's brain
besides whats the big whoop - its just a word
without the substance of ill-intent it is meaningless
life goes on
without missing a step we carried on our way

the thing that slays me is that after all this time

she still denies it

i love my ash
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this is roland












okay sure - i may have "named" my bike
but i dont verbally coax it along
"your doing very well today roland"

i bot it back in '95

[[i havent had a car since '94 - coincidence, i think not
...but thats another story]]

after 12 years of lots of use
its kinda beat up but i keep it well serviced
"looks like shit but runs real good"
i figure the crappier my bike looks the less
appealing it is to steal - k.o.w.

anyhoo
all winter ive been planning to get roland to the shop
before the spring rush
unfortunately procrastinating man procrastinates
so last week when the first day of real spring weather sprung
my mind naturally returned to springly thots








which lead me to remember to bring roland to the shop
bummer that everyone in my neighbourhood
who owns a bike did as well :(
and because of the shop's increased business
i would not get my bike back for a week and a half
but at least it would be in time for my easter long weekend

thats cool - i can roll about and do some daytrips

[[fyi - "berns daytrip" entails riding to a predetermined point
then on the return leg at least half way home
have a corona or three at a yet undiscovered watering hole]]

all week while they have been calling for snow this weekend
i have been optimistically envisioning fresh spring weather
unfortunately when i woke up today
they turned out to be right (for now anyway)
this is what i saw outside my livingroom window

















SHEE-IT !!

the bikeshop called and roland is ready
oh yes - i-am picking up roland
and this afternoon
(as the shop is closed tomorrow for good friday)
i need to be ready for mercury rising my jackie
...it wouldnt be the first time
the weatherman has misinterpreted
mr global's warming affect on mother nature's heart













call me crazy but im remain hopeful in the face of frost
jic - my fallback plan is
watch the masters and do a few x-words at my local watering hole

bern shares
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i just bot my umteenth pair of
chuck taylor converse canvas low-cuts













my first pair was in grade ten
volleyball in grade 10 and 11 was my only venture into
the realm of highschool sports
(and no my favorite movie is not "dreamgirls" - hrmph [ww jiff])
at this point i feel compelled to point out that i also
played organized lacrosse for 4 years - jsyk

my school was especially rife with
browners and jocks
so i was easily relegated to the class of second string
the guys on the first string nicknamed me killer kowalski















no doubt in deference to
my less than average stature and husky frame
i appreciated the attention regardless of the razz
(my first experience with self-defecation im sure)
sorry i digress

any gymnasium jock worth their athletic supporter
wore chuck taylor


















unofficially:
first string - high cuts
second string - low cuts
as i only made the game a handful of times i reckon
low cuts were my lot

chuck taylors are liken to the shark
they have never needed to evolve















the pair im wearing are exactly the same as
my first pair (gulp-wince) 32 years ago

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