defining moments

whoa

i will not be so droll as to make this a category
as moments define my life
by context
by direction
by person
i grabbed on to this tangent flipping
thru my box of pictures

i used to be married
we got married in '83 - aug 23 i think
and split in the spring of '89











life is what it is - should i get a tattoo?

bern shares
bv)

new category #3

just to recap for those of you (all 7 of you)
who might have missed the first 2
#1 - jobs bern would love
#2 - things bern can do - now that he's older
(no doubt #2 would be more entertaining
as things bern CAN'T do - now that he's older)










moving right along

#3 - quotes bern thinks are cool and/or apt

finish each day and be done with it.
you have done what you could.
some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely
and with too high a spirit to be encumbered
with your old nonsense.

ralph (finding) waldo emerson

bern shares
bv)

my mom
just received a "certificate of distinction"

she has been singing in the church choir
for 25 years - good for her

[the only thing ive done for 25 years
is be alive :) ]

bern shares
bv)

well isnt this a hockey pickle
an ottawa and anaheim stanley cup final
...jeeze louise

fyi
up until 2006 anaheims official team name was
the mighty ducks of anaheim



owned and operated by the walt disney company
walt decided that rather than launch
the mighty ducks action figure series
of emilio and the kids



he bought a hockey team instead

[loosely based on fact, jack]

anyhoo
any self respecting leaf fan hates the senators
especially alfred's son
however any hockey-night-in-canada fan
hates to see cup go south of the border

me - i was hoping for a detroit - buffalo final
with the sabres emerging victorious



buffalo is practically the seventh canadian franchise
they play the canadian national anthem at every game
irregardless (w'uh) of who's playing
and with ticket prices so friggin high in T.O. many
local hockey enthusiasts travel to buffalo just to see a game

well both the sabres and the red wings
"dropped the puck"

and now i have to choose between being

"red and white"



or "blue and white"



















(furtive glance around)
...shh ...be vahwee quiiiet

go sens go - go sens go

AND mr pronger better be wearing
his freakin bat-thermo-underwear
when he comes to town - i dont like him either

bern shares
bv)

i dont like pina coladas
but i do like getting caught in the rain

bern especially likes walking home in the rain

i dont hunch over
i stand erect and face the sky
i love the feel of raindrops on my face
i dont step lively
i perambulate peacefully
should mother nature see fit to open the heavens
it must be time for me
"to wash that shit right out of my life"
like being cleansed or baptized

when i get home
i strip off
fix myself a cocktail
and light my self a roaring fire
hold on
wait a sec
that was my last pad
i dont have a fireplace here

hang on

at this point id just like bring attention
the disappointingly low percentage of
chicks on the fire brigade
...if only to help the slumping sales of the calendars

if i have a point
(and it does not behoove to do so)
it is this:

mother nature (God's creation)
leaves me in awe and my jaw agape

trees
clouds (ttt a)
hummingbirds
mountains
waterfalls
elephants
fingernails
volcanoes
and the wind

magic surrounds
and thats all i have to say about that

bern shares
bv)

things-to-do checklist

(i'll remind you that my first entry was
"walk with shoelace untied")

sneak booze into the movie theatre ...CHECK

last friday you might recall
me extolling the virtues of Jesus
well more like the purple jesus
and not that its made in his image
nor even close to the real mccoy
oh jesus!
i mean oh jeeze
ive gone and done it again
the next time i come into a clearing
i best look up and step lively
(thunderbolts of lightening very very frightening)

anyhoo

after the hockey game (not the leafs - sigh)
and a few purple jeeze-louises
[[my first real girlfriend was louise - humminna humminna]]
i decided to take in a late night flick
and so as to not lose touch with "louise"
i filled my flask with rye (bout 5 oz)
and off i went on my date ....with mice elf

ahh...yes...i'll have a large popcorn and nice cold refreshing
coca-cola (wink wink nudge nudge)

spiderman 3 - we (my flask and i) gave it
two enthusiastic thumbs up
many have panned it
but I dont move with masses (like lemmings toward the cliff)
and jsyk - i think m night shamalamadingdong rocks

bern shares
bv)

ps

HOOF HEARTED
ICE MELTED

ive just decided on my other summer quaff

besides corona - duh



on a hot summer day
when i "find" myself on a licensed patio
i like to order my corona 2 @ a time
the first i guzzle
the second i enjoy

anyhoo - back at the quaff

it is:



the purple jesus
vodka and grape Kool-Aid
as refreshing as a trip down memory lane
as a matter of fact i'm indulging as we speak

...sorry, what was i saying ...hkk

bern shares
bv)

"i havent had a car since '94 - coincidence
i think not ...but thats another story"

this is that story:
in the spring of '94 my license was suspended for a year
for driving while intoxicated
as much as i often jest
by saying i misplaced it
and found it behind my dresser a year later
i do not take lightly the offense for which i was convicted
for the first 5 or 6 years the reason i didnt get another car
was to avoid paying thousands upon thousands
of dollars yearly for insurance
unfortunately i was living in suburbia at the time
not having a car was a real bummer/inconvenience
but i readily accepted that burden
as my penance for being an idiot
the real problem was that
my little petunia ash lived a good half hour car ride away
(i'll get back to that)
in the summer of '99 i moved to the big smoke
subways, 24 hour buses and ...taxi!!
i didnt need a car
urban-bern was back in action baby
roland and my trusty knapsack have sufficed
as my ride ever since
however pre'T.O. between '94 and '99
come hell or high water
i needed to facilitate ash spending every second weekend
with me (the guy without a car)
to say that this "obligation" was important to me
would be the most uber of understatement


among the many of my peeps
that helped me thru this difficult time
two stand-up individuals ring true
my mom and my ex wife EY




man oh man - they did me an every-second-weekend solid
mom picked my ash up and brot her to me
EY picked my ash up and took her back home
their help enabled ash and i to be together
and form the really cool foundation that we now share
thank you - both of you
{jsyk - ive tried to "pay it forward"}

whoa - wow - anyhoo

an odd thing occurred to me the other day while
i was "riding my bike"

(...and not driving my car)

when i arrested for drunk-driving
my ride
(please dont be jealous roland)
was a chevy CAVALIER

cavalier
adj - to show arrogance or offhand disregard

perhaps my life would have taken a different turn
had i gone one block further to the honda dealer
and leased an acura INTEGRA

insert wry/savy smile

as much as the grass might be greener
i'm good with my life
it's perfect in God's eye's
i just gotta figure out how to deal with perfection

breathe bern breathe

in the minutia lurks the "real" big picture

every day i muster my strength
and gaze into the minutia

WHOA - WOW - ANYHOO

[where'd all that shit come from?]
[[its all right here in your head do-head]]
[[[shut up let him talk]]]

;)

i really just wanted to make the
cavalier - integra witticisim
but as well catholic i am dutch ...van nederlands
we have a tendancy to gush
(but thats another story)

and just so you know
i gotta kick ass step daughter too
.....and she's cracker!!

my vaness is on the right with
tash her loving partner steeling the show

thats it

bern shares
bv)

i took roland out for a good toronto spin today

[youre doing very well today harrison

ww kb&mp]

in 2 hours one can roll by a lot of the cool shit
that our green city has to offer

heres the thing about bike rides
[unless you're
"that guy who was lucky enough to have sex with sheryl crow"]
you have to plan your leg home
it must be downhill baby
or at least with the wind at your back
(especially if you stop for pre-lastleg dehydrator)

today i didnt check the wind
but i sure-as-hell made sure the last quarter
from eglinton to the "oasis of corona" was downhill



roland and i both think that a sunday jaunt
makes more sense than getting my stomach stapled

bern shares
bv)

WOW i am digging this weather

my shorts - are on ...and - loving it !!



my jeans - are off ...and moth-balled
(i am a nudist - but thats another story)

i dont anticipate redonning my denim
until until at least october

[unless of course i need to attend a dress-up occasion
like lunch with the pope
or a date with a two-stepping gussy]



people say i'm crazy
doing what i'm doing
people say i'm lazy
dreaming my life away
i'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
i really like to watch them roll



translation:

i wear shorts in april - its spring in my world
all my eggs are in one basket - i wont be distracted
by the big picture
you can keep your flash - i like clouds and escalators

bern shares
bv)